He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
is that a dick in a sweater?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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