i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
