my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
