So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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