Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
