You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
