I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
