Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
