honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
