just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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