Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
