You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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