I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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