I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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