I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Drunk is not a location!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
