he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
