Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
COCAINE IS GR8
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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