first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
