I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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