Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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