he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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