I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
