Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
