i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
