I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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