apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
