I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
You did what with his pubic hair?
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