dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
