Kiss
Puke
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
