the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Randomize