In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
