I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
