Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
