That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Randomize
