its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
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