I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
