im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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