I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
