i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
