you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
