I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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