So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
