This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
