Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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