: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
