Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm at about main and main street
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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