i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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