The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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