So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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