the day after is always just damage control
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
