it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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