Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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