Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
