so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
