if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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