Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
