one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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