I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
